How to Be Less Insecure

Being insecure means feeling like you’re inadequate or not good enough.

Insecurities are negative thoughts that can cause you to doubt yourself. They can arise in different areas, such as your relationships, your work, your body image, or your ability to navigate social situations, says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University.

According to the American Psychological Association, insecurities can make it difficult for you to trust others, have healthy relationships, be confident of your abilities, and reach for your goals. It can be hard to be yourself and be comfortable in your own skin if you’re constantly feeling nervous, anxious, or hesitant.

The more and more we get addicted to social media and the more and more life seems to be about expensive handbags and shiny cars and pretty faces, sometimes it seems downright impossible to love ourselves. We become insecure in who we are and what we have to offer and unable to see that we're no different than anyone else. However, insecurity can be just the motivation you need to become a better person. Grab a hold of it and don't let it go face it, accept it, and you'll be on your way to self-acceptance and love.

This article discusses some potential causes of insecurity, as well as some strategies that can help you be more confident and feel less insecure.

Characteristics of Insecurity

 These are some characteristics of          insecure people as compared to people who are more secure, according to Dr. Romanoff. 

Insecure People

•Feeling inadequate

•Constantly doubting your self-worth

•Being unsure of yourself

•Questioning your relationships

•Fearing that people will abandon you

•Feeling out of place in social settings

•Obsessing over your shortcomings

•Being overly sensitive to criticism

•Not trusting yourself to handle difficult   situations

•Not being willing to take any personal or   professional risks

Secure People

•Feeling confident

•Having a healthy sense of self-esteem

•Trusting your instincts

•Being secure in relationships

•Not depending on others’ approval

•Being comfortable in social settings

•Accepting yourself and your body

•Being open to constructive feedback

•Having faith in your ability to handle challenges

•Not being afraid to reach for what you want

Potential Causes of Insecurity

These are some potential causes of insecurity, according to Dr. Romanoff:

       •Childhood trauma: Traumatic

       childhood experiences such as being           bullied, mistreated, neglected, or

      abused by caregivers can make you            feel like you're not good enough. This

      can affect your confidence and cause

      you to feel insecure because you may

     not believe you are worthy of the love         or support of others.

       •Unhealthy relationships: Being in 

        relationships where you were treated 

        poorly by friends, family members,

        colleagues, or romantic partners can

        make it hard for you to trust others.

        Worse, it can make it hard for you to

        trust your instincts about whether or            not other people are trustworthy.

        •Setbacks: Experiencing a major

       setback, such as a divorce, break- up,

       or job loss can take a toll on your

      self-esteem and self-confidence

       making you feel insecure

       •External focus: We are often

        taught to value external factors like

        awards medals, and trophies more              than internal factors like hard work              and dedication. This focus on                       extrinsic motivators can make it

       hard for you to develop a strong sense

       of your own self- worth because 

       you’re relying on others’ approval to             feel secure.

      

Effects of Being Insecure

Below, Dr. Romanoff unpacks how insecurity can have a negative impact on a number of different areas in your life

Relationship Difficulties

Being insecure can cause you to doubt your relationships and question where you stand with others. You may assume others don’t want to be around you or fear that they might abandon you.

These insecurities can lead to jealousy, arguments, and dominating behavior. Relationship insecurities can be caused by past experiences with previous partners or other friends and family members if they’ve caused any trauma.

Insecurities can come from being bullied at school or constantly scrolling through social media and comparing yourself to others. Past experiences can follow us forward and haunt our self-confidence today, or daily events can trigger feelings of inadequacy.

All of our insecurities can come from a lack of self-esteem. They stem from our self-talk revolving around negative thoughts, like self-doubt and questions about our self-image. We often feel insecure when we don’t value our well-being and practice self-care.

Career-Related Difficulties

Being insecure can make you more indecisive and less likely to take risks when it comes to your professional life. This can cause you to play it safe and hold you back from pursuing opportunities you want.

Your insecurities can also make you more sensitive to criticism, which can make it hard for you to accept constructive feedback. This can lead to career-related difficulties, because you may be more likely to dwell on your shortcomings than channel your energy into improving.

Mental Health Issues

Research shows us that having an insecure personality is linked to various mental health issues such as:

     • Stress

     •Anxiety

     •Depression

     • Eating disorders

     •Personality disorders

     •Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

     •Substance use and addiction

     •Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

     •Risky sexual behavior

     •Suicidal thoughts and behaviors

     •Hoarding

How to Be Less Insecure

Dr. Romanoff suggests some ways to be more confident and less insecure:

   •Identify your triggers:Start

   paying attention to the types of

   situations that trigger your insecurities

    and note your reactions  to them.it may

    be helpful to write them down in a

   journal so you can become more self

   aware and track the areas you need to

   work on.

           

  •Challenge negative self-talk:

   As you become more aware of the

   c.inner voice that’s putting doubts  in

   your mind, it’s important to start

   challenging it. For instance,if the

   voice is saying “Don’t try to dance                 because you’re a horrible dancer and

    everyone will Laugh at you,” tell                    yourself “I'm going to dance because

    I love dancing and the only thing I care        about is having fun.

        

  •Focus on your strengths: People

   who struggle with confidence tend

    to have a bias about everything the

    believe they cannot do. Instead,

    focus your attention toward the

    things you do well and the areas in

    which you would like to continue to 

    improve.

   •Channel confidence: Try to

    channel times in your life when 

    you were feeling confident a

    embody that feeling. For

    example, think about a time when

    you were proud of yourself (for

    example,when you made a great

    presentation, gave an important

    speech, or managed a Difficult 

    conversation). Get back into that

     head space and see how your

     Thought patterns and body

     Language  also radiate confidence

  •Get comfortable with being                             uncomfortable: 

     Stop avoiding things that make you

     uncomfortable and confront them   

     instead.Start leaning into the things    

     that scare you and be willing to face

     the unknown. Commit to doing

     something everyday that pushes

     you to grow and become a stronger

     person.

Since everyone has different insecurities, there is no universal way to stop being insecure. You might need to try new strategies if some don’t work the best for you. Keeping that in mind, here are tips to help you overcome your insecurities

Insecurity can be a terrible feeling because it can make you doubt yourself, your abilities, your relationships, and your goals. It can prevent you from pursuing things you want and cause you to act in ways you don’t necessarily want to. It’s important to work on your insecurities so you can start living the life you want.